Monday, February 25, 2008

Stupid IS Patheic

Maybe some wouldn’t think it pathetic, but the only job I have is writing speeches for my doorman, and he doesn’t pay me. This employment started last year when a friend of my doorman’s was retiring., “You’re a writer” he said, “can you write a toast for my friend's leaving his job”. I guess if you claim to be a writer, you are open to all kinds of requests. So I wrote a little something for him. And it was probably a mistake. Because it was so good, he now thinks I am working for him.

This time it’s a speech for a wedding. He has to talk for 10 minutes about the good qualities the groom possesses. “But it has to be funny” he directs. “And it has to be long”. So I am under more pressure than is usually the case. And I am not getting paid.

It’s tiring not to get paid for advice, speech writing or PR consulting. And I always find myself giving free advice, because to tell you the truth (there it is again), I cannot abide by people not knowing what they are doing and, in addition, spewing forth with stupid ideas or suggestions. Not having patience for stupidity, has always been a weakness for me..

OK so what does this say about who I am. David and I have spent many hours discussing what we will do in our twight light years. I had hoped it would be more than writing speeches for the doorman. Although, I wrote speeches for people as unlikely as Justice White. I’m not sure why I did that, but I think it was because my pal, Tim Wirth, asked me to do so, after he promised the good Justice he would find someone to do it.

I guess, had I thought about a career path, speech writing might have been part of it. But a career path was so far beyond what I could think about, that I never thought about it.

So where does this leave us/me. It is amazing to me, that some cable network hasn’t scooped me up as a talking head. After all, I am way ahead of the curve. I write a prophetic blog, I’ve written two books, and for a woman of my age - I am pretty cute. And you can’t say that about many women of my age. Although Sara Ehrman is somewhere around 89 and she’s the cutest person I know. So what is the problem? Well I don’t have a good agent. I’m not a tall beautiful blonde with a hateful attitude and I haven’t been in charge of a large constituency group. But I really am a political strategist. So what should I do? I could do the political thing and find someone who knows someone who can call and suggest they call someone who would then call me and say since you know someone you can come on TV and spout useless information. You see, I have such a bad attitude who’s going to deal with me?

I thought if I wrote a book, that would happen automatically. So I wrote “Schlepper, a Mostly True Tale of American Politics”. But it was a publishing disaster. There were never books available when we did our big media push. And despite the fact that it is a wonderful book, which reveals all kinds of inside secrets, as well as being a training manual for aspiring political dweebs, it never had a wide release. So there went that avenue to success.

Then we produced a documentary,, which I thought would launch me on my creative career path. And it might. But it’s not going to happen until we have a wide release.

And then, we wrote and I figured that would set me on my path to success. But the publisher opted for beauty over timeliness so the books that should have been available in January, won’t reach book stores until mid April. I tried to explain the concept of “if the tree falls in the forest and there’s no one there to hear it”, but publishers aren’t writers, so the tree and the forest are moot – unless they have dogs or wildebeests.

So now, the only request I have for the use of my vast talent, is by the doorman at our NY apartment. This is not a bad thing, it’s just not what I expected would be the culmination of an otherwise brilliant political career. We’re just sayin...Iris


Anonymous said...

"So now, the only request I have for the use of my vast talent, is by the doorman at our NY apartment. This is not a bad thing, it’s just not what I expected would be the culmination of an otherwise brilliant political career."

Don't confuse your brilliant political career with your brilliant writing career.

I see a book in this. "My Doorman's Muse." Or, "My Doorman's Voice." Or, "What My Doorman Said."

Or, well you get the picture. These titles are lame, but since you're the brilliant writer, you'll come up with a better title then me.

Frankly, no one I know wants to read the speeches of politicians, but a funny book about your relationship with your doorman, and the words you put in his mouth. Now there's a book all Manhattan will want to read.

Say, "In His Mouth - what I get my doorman to say."

W from Manhattan (true, I was born on that rock)

m_harding said...

Well, the adoption hasn't gone through yet,so I won't speak to you as sternly as...perhaps...a family member?

I understand that you are writing mostly tongue-in-cheek, and that disapointment is a valid feeling.

However, upon reading such poo poo ca ca, I cant help but feel that someone just took a ride on the self pitty train: fare payed-in-full through the "well-meaning" generousity of naysayers.

There's lots off those tickets going around,they are printed daily by people that have never dared to accomplish anything special themselves.

I wouldn't worry about their "requests" or lack thereof. Any idiot can team with you in failure, all it requires of them is the ability to fail.

Few people (editors/publishers) have the ability to jointly succeed via the artistic talent of a writer - that takes insight and courage- there's not a lot of that going around.

Requests? The only one you need worry about comes from the voice within.


Allow for the genius of who you are...those looking for it will find you... ignore the rest.

In closing:

Like I really need to be telling you this?!!

Reads to me like you're just not listening to the advice you have given others.

Sorry for your disappointment in the book. But,it sounds to me like you have a few more in you anyway.


Anonymous said...

Stupid is as stupid does, momma.

Iris&David said...

Well now. While I think a little whining is not as attractive as brilliant prose, at least it is a change and change is good-- isn't it. Actually I thought it was funny but the problem with the written word is there are no tones, except in your head. And a book using the voice of all my doormen is a good idea. Anyway, Michael we still want you but now we'll have to ask seth.

Anonymous said...

Well it is no secret that I tend to stomp where others would tip toe. My friends tell me its not endearing,but it does give them something to talk about when I am out of the room.

My tone,again not heard, was more of a Tony Robbins, and less of a Rabbi Shmuley.

Glad to hear you are in good spirits. By the way ,I did think the blob was funny.

And, there is no need to ask Seths permission, I now what the answer is. After all who want to share a great Mom like you.

Well back to work, deadlines...


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