Monday, February 04, 2008

Only The Thin Can Dine

Well, another BLOB milestone has been reached. Who’d a thunk it possible? The following, written by Blogger in Chief Iris B. is our 400th entry. Yes, in some twenty months we have averaged about twenty blobs a month. It may seem like much, or it may not.. but I can tell you (as the Blobber Adjoint, who contributes fewer than the Chief ) writing five times a week in addition to everything else you do, is a fairly intense operation. But most of all, thanks to you, our devoted readers and comment’ers. We love you and most of all we love that you indulge us our indulgences. For they are, simply, yours too. This is, perhaps, the promise of the Internet, if not fulfilled, on the way to fulfillment. Maybe we should have a cocktail party to celebrate, or better (and more efficient, yet), just stand in front of your bathroom mirror, having poured a jigger of scotch, Crown Royal, or Armagnac, and wave that glass at yourself. We’ll feel it here, too, and wave right back at ya. …We’re Just Sayin..David (Editor)

Moving away from Presidential politics for just a blob or two, but remaining in the realm of the politically ridiculous, Mississippi has legislation pending that “forbids restaurants and food establishments from serving food to anyone who is obese (as defined by the State). Under this bill, food establishments are to be monitored for compliance under the State Department of Health and violators will have their business permits revoked.” House Bill 282 was introduced by Representative W.T. Mayhall, Jr., a retired pharmaceutical salesman. Bobby Shows, a businessman, and John Read, a pharmacist.

First of all, don’t they have better things to do and further, how they are going to enforce the law. Imagine this scene. A nicely dressed big woman walks into a fine food establishment where she has reservations for dinner. She has expectations of being seated and served. But alas, she is met by the fat enforcer who whips a scale out of his back pocket (it has to be a guy in a designer suit) and insists that she weigh in before they move to a table. Or, (it can be the same restaurant) a large man arrives with his friends and is met by a pharmacist turned investigative Weight Nazi who takes height and waist measurements and gives him the evil once over eye ball. He doesn’t pass and is dragged from the establishment by a few equally big guys who also can no longer go out for a meal.

Second of all, how do they control fast food or other take out. Do they design a contraption that weighs the vehicle divided by the number of people riding in the car who have ordered food. The second of all is almost more ludicrous than the first of all. And what does the legislature do if a child weighs a ton but is accompanied by a thin parent. Do they make the kid get out of the car – or wait outside of the restaurant. We could go on all day just designing scenarios for enforcing this preposterous legislation but why bother when we can merely call the Governor’s office and determine how much Haley Barbour weighs. Think about that one. The Governor of the State, desperately trying to have a meeting at a restaurant with a few other good ole boys, but no place in the entire State is permitted to serve them. Woe is them.

Local politics, and Tip O’Neil the Speaker of the House in days of yore, said, “all politics is local”, is far more complicated than National politics. There are so many instances where the local school board or the state house or senate makes decisions that effect millions of people, but no one pays attention until it’s too late. Like school boards deciding what books should be in the school library, or state reps determining who should have street lights. Clearly these decisions may not be as stupid as passing a law that prohibits fat people from eating in restaurants, but any decisions that have consequences with state wide reach, are worth paying some attention to because they can effect the way you spend your life—or at the very least how you spend your money.

Do we need to give more examples of stupid. It’s too easy. OK we’ll do a few. The Alaskan Bridge to Nowhere for 250 million dollars—it’s Ok the Senior Senator from Alaska is being investigated for more serious crimes. Then there’s the National Institutes of Mental Health which although only local to the bureaucrats in Maryland, spent $70,029 to see if the degu, a diurnal South American rodent, can help us better understand jet lag. They also spent $77,826 to study “Coping with Change in Czechoslovakia”, (Is there even a Czechoslavakia—I thought it was already divided and conquered.) $100,271 to see if volunteering is good for older people, (as an older person I can tell you anything you don’t get paid for isn’t good. $124,910 to reduce “School Phobia” in children, (I say just whack ‘em upside the head) $161,913 to study “Israeli reactions to SCUD Attacks during the Gulf War” (Oh please) and $187,042 to study the quality of life in Hawaii. They didn’t need to do that because for $425,000, I would have gone to Hawaii and figured out if there was a quality of life.

So, as they would say on “Morning Joe”, what did we learn today. Well, big people in Mississippi need to make preparations not to eat in restaurants, government, local or national is stupid, and sometimes a blob by any other name is still a rose. We’re just sayin... Iris


Anonymous said...

Happy 400th. You dont look a day over 324.

Felt kinda funny standing naked in front of the bathroom mirror waving at you two though.

Was i supposed to be naked? I just assumed...being a bathroom and all.

Oh well, it was a good Crown Royal anyway.

Although I guess I should have waited until I got home to celebrate with you two guys.

The bar was quite busy tonight, and I think some of the men using the public bathroom were a little put-off to find me there waving gleefully at the giant mirror;in all my natural beauty, so to speak, jigger in hand.

Ahhhhh...Im assuming we all know what a jigger is? 'Cause its not like Im George Michaels or anything.

Again happy 400!

Now, where are those pants...


m_harding said...

sorry DavidIris, didnt log in when I wrote above,thus uneditable at my end. Could you remove these two posts. George Michael reference in bad taste and unfair.

my real appologies Michael

Anonymous said...

The orginal Doe's Eat Place, which serves tamales and porterhouse steaks will stand up for us.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like there is potential for drive thru fine dining in Mississippi...adding a new twist to tailgate (dinner) parties.

Anonymous said...

I did wave the glass..uh, maybe a little too much. I never have(until that time)showered in Crown Royal. BUT for all things, there is a first time...Happy 400th!

Anonymous said...

Well, here's a comment from someone who hasn't spoken with you (meaning Iris) in about 25 years. Stumbled across the blog and was fascinated. There's even mention of Pine Brook Country Club (found with a search, not 20 hours of reading), that wasn't a country club, which is what I always told people when I didn't want them to think incorrectly that I was from a rich family. It seems that you've had a fascinating life with the other David, just as I've had a great life with the other Iris. I don't know if you can find my e-mail address in the bowels of your computer, so here's how you can get in touch with me, if you choose to, which I hope you do: Still a lawyer in DC, although cutting back, two unmarried offspring (Brooklyn and Arlington), both writers, live in Old Town, hoping to hear from you.