Thongs For the Memories

There was a time when a woman could slip into her underpants and then just put on a skirt or pants or whatever. It is a time I remember fondly. But now, you can’t just pull on underpants. They have to be invisible. In other words, the line of your underpants can’t show through whatever you choose to put on over them. This makes no sense to me since you are allowed to let your bra straps show – in fact, it’s cool to let them hang out. (May I add here that letting your bra straps show is hardly as stupid as the guys who wear their pants so low that everyone who passes by can see his butt crack – but ridiculous styles are not the subject of this blob.) To be quite honest I never know what the subject of the blob will be, but I know what it is not.

Anyway, about a year ago I was getting dressed and Jordan looked at me and laughed. “Mom, the lines of your underpants are showing. You need to wear a thong.” Here’s an important fact. When I was growing up, thongs were shoes. As a matter of fact, not too long ago I went into the shoe department at Macy’s and asked if they had thongs. “Lady,” she said distastefully, “Why would you look for a thong here? You need to look in underwear.” Of course, I thought, they are not called thongs anymore, they are called flip flops – which would make more sense if it was a bra. It’s kind of like when you call someone a ‘dobee’. The definition of a ‘dobee’ was someone who did menial tasks or errands. But this is no longer the case. Apparently, it now has some sexual connotation, which my kids refuse to explain to me.

Fashion trends change, everyone knows that, but why should we have to suffer the consequences of decisions our children make. So, I am practicing wearing a thong. I even bought five. What I find, however, is that it feels like I’m naked. When it doesn’t feel that way it is simply because I have to keep adjusting it. It is a bit disconcerting to have to keep pulling at your underwear – I know men will well understand this.

My preference for sleep wear is a t shirt and underpants. This may be too much information. Regardless, I tried to sleep in a thong (I keep practicing), but it was truly uncomfortable. Oh me, oh my, what to do? Do I admit defeat and let my lines show? Or do I bite the bullet and get used to this new phenomenon – I guess it’s only new to me. Well, I guess I could pull up my big girl pants and become very ‘today.’ But let me tell you how uncomfortable it is to pull up that little piece of cloth and pretend to be hip. If only it would cover my hip, I could almost deal with it. We’re just sayin’…Iris