Monday, July 25, 2011

What IS: IS

The horror of the last few days has lead me to ponder the why's and how's of this life. Like why did Amy Winehouse's mother not just send her to a facility in Utah, until she got clean and sober. And why did this obviously damaged Norwegian, need to kill all those children. And why did the mother in Queens kill her disabled child and then try to off herself (without success). What brings people to the brink? And why does each story need a headline like Amy, and "The curse of the 27th year." But I will never answer those questions coherently, so I just turn off my desire to know absolutely everything about everything.

There is no question that I should have been a life coach, having spent so much time coaching people about their lives, with no charge -- always my problem. It's not that I'm so smart, because a great many successful people are totally talent free, no matter what their chosen profession, but in this case, good genes (and common sense) far outweigh the need to actually know anything.

What exactly do I mean? It doesn't take an extraordinarily high IQ to see things as they should be. For example, my mother and her siblings always said, "dead's dead,” and “what is, is." It is those six words (principles) that link the whole (extended Dubroff) family together. We all have different surnames, but it's the Dubroff gene that has allowed us to persevere, gives us the energy to make incredibly good sense, whatever we have chosen to do ... or say. You can interpret those statements in many different ways but among my favorite are; don't dwell on what you can't have, don't try to fight the reality of the situation, and get over your bad self -- or just your foolish self.

Last night, when I awoke at 12:30 am (and stayed awake until 3am) I heard a Dubroff voice telling me that I would have plenty of time to sleep when I was dead -- it could have been any number of people speaking, because about some things they all spoke with the same voice. Of course I answered the voice back with a question. "What the hell are you talking about", I yelled. "I'm exhausted from repeatedly not sleeping through nite." As usual, there was no answer to that question. Instead, another voice said, "There is no secret to life. We are not hiding anything from you. What is, is", so stop complaining, stop wanting things to be better or different and just enjoy what you know you can achieve." Or, better said, "just take a breath."

All these questions and answers took me to another place. Thinking about my kids. JKB said that she was trying to make a life in LA, rather then just live there. And SAJ, said that he loved what he was doing, along with his music and loved especially being a father.
This was most reassuring for me. Because everyone should be satisfied (or make the best of life decisions -- what is, is) and not be spending time on what was, was (another of their favorite expressions -- no need for explanation). That is not to say that life shouldn't be an adventure, rather don't waste time constantly thinking your decisions were wrong or unfortunate. Anyway, as a consequence of my genes, I have both an insight and awareness of how everyone should live their lives. The only problem is, you get what you pay for, and nobody ever writes me a check. We’re just sayin’… Iris


D and N said...

Here's what I teach my son...... " Life's a bitch and its not fair nor equal. But it is manageable, so figure that out."
This woman ran out of luck, as we all do eventually of course.

Anna said...

Iris, in your own effortless way, you made a huge impact in my life. There is no price tag for that, just deep gratitude and conviction that what goes around comes around. I'm just saying...

D and N said...

ponder the why's and how's of this life

And maybe next, who really gives a flying shit for a drunken and drugged out singer? Keyrist, Billy Holiday did that deal and she was someone of importance.

Anonymous said...

Iris, Distressingly normal, decent young adults. Glad to hear it.