Thursday, November 16, 2006

A Choice in Life to Choose

David says it’s time for a personal blob. I guess he’s tired of my political rants, but I just want to say that I think Murtha was a good choice for Nancy Pelosi to make. I know people are talking about the fact that he may have been a crook 26 years ago but which one of our elected officials haven’t done questionable things sometime in their careers. It’s like Hevesy in NY. OK so he provided his wife with rides to work and didn’t reimburse the state until he was caught, but when you are in as powerful a position State Comptroller, you probably think the least the electorate can do for all your dedication and hard work, is give the wife a ride. It’s not like being a racist or a sexist or a homophobe, those are unforgivable sins.

Anyway, I have said this before. There is only one way to win back the Wal*Mart shopper—they were once Democrats—and that is to send a signal that there is a place for all different opinions in the party. Even in the leadership. The fact that Murtha, as a conservative Democrat who is not in favor of abortion, wants to end the war, sends a far better message than Hoyer, a liberal democrat who wants to continue our involvement in Iraq by couching it as fighting terrorism. He is not listening to the voting public. Americans no longer believe that being in Iraq makes us safer.

My mother needs a new companion. This is number 5. She still refuses to leave her house and it continues to fall down around her. But Prudence is going back to Jamaica to be with her teenage son and her new husband. So once again we begin the search but it’s a whole new era. Mom had an experimental botox in her bladder procedure in October, and since then she has been very weak. We think the botox may have affected other muscles in her body. We are hoping that she rallies but we continue to provide new equipment to aid her in everyday skills, like walking and getting up and down out of a seat. It is difficult to watch the degeneration and too much of a reminder about my father’s deterioration from Multiple Sclerosis over 30 years. Mom just turned 86 and we can’t say she lived a long and happy life, because she didn’t. For most of her life she was locked into caring for dad, and for the rest of it she chose not to have a life with friends and activities. We can’t figure out why. We think it’s because she was so close to her sisters she didn’t need friends, but except for her twin, they’re all gone. It might be because she never learned how to deal with loss so it was less painful not to make friends than to lose them. But that’s only speculation.

I was thinking about this the other day on the occasion of a big birthday—yes I am 21. I was thinking about my friends, some of whom are already gone, some of whom live in other places, and some of whom attended the celebration. And I was thinking about my cousins, some of whom I really would miss. They know who they are. And, of course, I thought about David and the kids. I cannot imagine anything worse than outliving your husband or children or being the last friend or cousin breathing. It is not only sad it is terrifying. Can you imagine the depth of loneliness you would feel without people to talk to or anyone to irritate? It’s too horrible to even think about. So I think, was my mother smart not to have any friends and not suffer any loss? Or was she stupid not to have lots of fun with people she loved when she could still do it. I think she was unwise in her choice. There is nothing more important than to surround yourself with good times and people you love. At least then you have the memories of time well spent, and people well selected, to comfort you when you have energy for only daily musings and sweet dreams. We’re just sayin... Iris

1 comment:

Alfonso Cevola said...

There is life after losing a mate.
I lost my wife in 2001 after 8 years of M.S. , so I understand your experiences, and propably your mom's with your dad. One of the lessons I learned through it was that one must honor the fight they waged with the disease by living a full life, not shirking from it. I dont believe they would want it any other way.
It will never be the same, but we'll have all of eternity after life to deal with whatever comes then.