Monday, October 01, 2012

Save The Date

Massachussets is trying to pass an assisted suicide law. On  election day these fine citizens will not only participate in deciding the future of the republic, they will make a decision on Question 2.   A ‘yes’ would legalize physician-assisted suicide. A ’no’, would mean that regardless for whom people vote, they will have to live with it.  Sure, there are questions of morality, religion, politics, and eternal damnation, but for me, it is a bit more serious. 

If you are have a physican-assisted suicide, do you send a “save the date” to friends and family?  After all, this is a big deal.  It could give you an opportunity to hear what people think of you before you are dead.  Maybe it’s not such a good idea. 

When I was younger, it was easy to think about how you wanted to die.  Did you want it to be your choice or did you want to take a chance on letting someone else (i.e. children) make the decision for you.  In my first marriage my husband, now X, (who is a scientist), promised me that if I wanted to die, he would provide me with whatever I needed. When we got divorced I asked him if he would still help me.  He assured me that there would never be a time when he wouldn’t want to kill me, so I was able to sleep peacefully at night, and whenever I was suffering what I thought was some fatal disease.  And speaking of old loves, when I was in college my beau was a medical student.  He told me that no one should ever ask a second year medical student what they thought might be the reason for any ailment.  Second year med students study mostly fatal diseases,  As you might guess, that means a headache would surely be diagnosed as a brain tumor.  Alas, we no longer need med students to tell us what is really wrong, we have SWRO.

Can’t guess? OK. It’s “Shit We Read Online.”  Thank God, we have available to us, a way to self diagnose.  Last week I had some pain in my toe.  It’s a toe that I must have banged in the middle of the night, so when I awoke, it was black and blue – as was the nail.  Everyone agreed that it was broken.  Since there is nothing you can do for a broken toe, I taped it to another nearby healthy toe and moved on.  But I thought I would just take a look at what the medical experts on line had to say.  By the time I finished my research I realized that not only did I have a broken toe—which wouldn’t ever heal, I had toe fungus and probably an irreparably damaged kidney, maybe even liver. 

To whom should I make my first phone call -- my husband, my children, a supportive friend or my X, who would always assist in my permanent demise.  But that’s not what I wanted to blob about. 

My intention was to talk about parties and invitations.  “Save the date” is a way to tell your friends that they will be invited to whatever your occasion, so don’t make any other commitments.  Kind of like a Presidential campaign.  When someone decides to run for President, they can’t announce their decision because, if they announce than they can’t raise any money without adhering to the FEC laws.  Rather than holding off their decision until it makes sense (which has nothing to do with Presidential Politics), they announce to announce, sometimes even to announce. Which would mean announcing to announce that you are announcing.  And why is this premature announcement important.  Because it serves as a “Save the Date.”  It says to the voting public, don’t make any decisions about who to support until I make the decision to run.  Is it any wonder that this country has political problems.  The elected officials do it every day.  Should we let Iran know that we are going to bomb the crap out of them before we do it?  But what if Pakistan is acting up and we might want to bomb them?  Or Australia, trouble makers that they are…We have limited resources, so maybe if we announce to announce our intentions, they will back off. 

I’m sure it’s more complicated than I’m making it but, but rest assured, that before I invite anyone to my assisted suicide, all the people who will celebrate will receive a “Save the Date.”

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