The New Year Beetle

Ordinarily, the last weekend of the year, I reflect on all that has happened, and try to make you laugh and cry, preferably at the same time. But not this year. It has been a difficult year but I’ve decided not to dwell. Instead I want to share happy family news, and then a story which has nothing to do with anything. The happy news… It’s Allegra’s birthday. For those of you who don’t know Allegra, (and if you did you would know that you know) I was there when she was born and thankfully, I was too young for it to have ruined my New Years. More happy news… we welcome to our family Elaina Turner. Amy’s first grandchild and the family’s first female great great great , Sorry the great great, great, tantes aren’t here to enjoy her… but we know they are watching to make sure whatever we all do is done the way they would do it. (It’s probably easier to explain her as sixth generation Dubroff. But as a regular reader, you know I never make anything easy, nor did any generation of Dubroffs.)

When we moved to Newburgh we were introduced to the most ridiculous species of Beetles. They are fat, and beige, and move in any direction that appears convenient. They don’t jump or fly. They wander aimlessly and seemingly without purpose, up and down the wall, shades, floor, windows, screens – anywhere they are able to go. (Yes, they defy gravity.) But here’s the thing. We never see more than one at a time. So we are now convinced that it is actually only one indestructible beetle that keeps appearing and reappearing, no matter what we do.

Squishing, flushing, suffocating, and freezing do not have the desired effect. ( I do not want to hear from any PETA people – the little bug has an indeterminate number of lives). Like the seasons, or a bad dream, it just keeps coming back. Some people may argue with us about whether or not it is only one beetle. But those people don’t live in our house. There is one beetle, whose sole purpose in life is to die a multitude of deaths. Why should this surprise anyone. A Cat has nine lives. Why can’t a beetle have numerous opportunities to keep getting reincarnated as the same beetle? (Does this make sense—probably not to a religious Hindu priest.)


The other good news is that 2011 is over. This means we can once again start with a clean slate. We can choose to be happy or sad, make wise or stupid decisions, go on a diet or eat like there’s no tomorrow. We can hope that our elected officials start to work for the good of the electorate. And we can pray that our family and friends have joy, peace, prosperity, and nice personalities. I love the idea of a clean slate. But in the words of one of my favorite people, I simply need to stop being a ninny. Happy New Year. Hoping a clean slate does not mean I forget all my entertaining words. We’re just sayin’…. Iris