This is not my orginial blob. Yesterday when I wrote, I wrote about trying to keep family together -- it is something important to David and to me. Some of my cousins, who I didn't know read the blog, were upset about it because they thought it was in someway directed in a negative way, toward them. This was never my intention and I am sorry if it was misperceived. I did not write it to be mean, hurtful or insensitive. Quite the opposite. I wrote about the things that happen to a family to that keep them from getting and staying close and I wish it were different. I think that when it was read by some people, they overlooked what I thought was the good stuff, and they thought was bad stuff. I never intended for anything to be bad, but it was unfortunately perceived that way-- given the phone calls I received this morning. And I am sorry for that. And I am sorry that some people can't leave a message like this "You hurt my feelings. I think you were wrong. What did you mean because I don't agree." Instead of screaming about how horrible I am and they're never speaking to me again. If after 60 years, of relationship they're not speaking to me over one misunderstood opinion in a blob, then I guess there wasn't much of anything there anyway. One of my cousins called to explain her take. Here's mine. I love my family. I think that there are often misunderstandings and miscommunication about intentions. Mine were misunderstood. I can't do more than say I'm sorry. What I've learned is that more people read the blog than I thought and that people don't always get' or agree with what I write. Which doesn't mean I'm going to stop writing. I hope I can speak directly to those who's anger is misplaced and we can resolve any misunderstandings. With that said, mom's feeling better today.
When the phone rang this morning, I thought it was my alarm so I just shut it off. Fifteen minutes later it rang again and I was about to do the same thing but I noticed the caller id said ‘mom’. It was Marcella, mom’s caregiver who was calling to say that Nana had fallen, banged her head and was totally out of it. She had called 911 and the police officers had just arrived. I spoke to a nice young Sergeant, who said he talked to me the last time this happened, but unlike last time, he thought it was different and it was a good idea to take her to the hospital So they did, and I met them in the Emergency Room. It was quite a change from yesterday.
Yesterday was a good day. We went to the assisted living facility to sign mom up. We’ve had 6 caregivers in the last ten months and it was just too complicated to look for someone else—for a number of reasons. We’ve been very lucky because we only had one nut out of the six. And a nut she was. I don’t remember if we blobbed about her but the first time she worked for us, she and mom were driving somewhere and mom told her to turn right. She thought they needed to turn left. Anyway, mom was right so when they got home, Connie packed all her things and without even saying goodbye, left in a huff. We had two other caregivers and then Connie called to say she was so sorry about what happened and she would be devoted to us forever, if we gave her another chance. Which we did while Mom was in the hospital and rehab. But the day before Mom came home, Connie flipped out again and in the middle of the night packed all her bags and fled to the neighbor—a woman who has terminal lung cancer. Not only was it intrusive, it was stupid. The neighbor really didn’t want company at 1 a.m. and she was prepared to call the police.
Moving on, we have been incredibly lucky with help. They have all been incredibly honest and kind—even Connie. But the stats say we are due for a real lunatic, so I felt it was a mistake to look for someone else when there was assisted living as an option. I might add that it is not easy for mom to keep readjusting to new people. And when they leave she does take it personally and think it’s something she did. So we all agreed that a place where, not only would she get three wonderful meals a day, but she might make friends and have fun, was probably a good idea. Assisted living is expensive but I think we’ll be alright. If not, I know I can call on my cousin Chuck to help.
Anyway, yesterday, Mom seemed pretty cool about the transition. At least she went for lunch and the interview without screaming and yelling about, how could I do this to her. The first time she said “Why would you do this/”, I said, “Why, is it a crime to want you to have some fun and a life?” And that pretty much set the record straight. I have been stressed beyond belief, not about her wanting to go—because this is a woman who loved being with people—even at the local rehab facility, but because I wasn’t sure she would make it through the medical evaluation. But either they think she’s fine or they are passing her through for the down payment. I was lucky because, stressed as I was, Rosalie and her grandchildren came to help us pick out an apartment and cheer her on. As Nathan said, “If I were 80, this is where I would want to live.”
We spent about 8 hours in the hospital and, although she was tired from all the excitement, we thought that being in the hospital was not the best alternative. The last time she was there they gave her sedatives, she became agitated and every morning, despite our pleas, we would find her confined in a strait jacket. We got her up and dressed and took her home. It is better for her to be home. And now I wonder if she will be able to adjust to a new ‘home’. I hope so because there is no place like home, unless it’s not working anymore. We’re just sayin... Iris
